The recent media hullabaloo about Elon Musk trying to buy twitter has got me thinking about ways twitter could be improved. If it came to pass that someone other than the cartel of silicon valley hustlers find themselves in control of twitter, it could me improved, methinks.
I’m certain Elon Musk and I have different ideas on how to improve twitter. I don’t know what his are exactly, but I’ll gladly share mine.
I would improve twitter by first unplugging the servers from the internet and throwing them into a burbling volcano.
Then I’d delete every last copy of the source code, and fire all the employees. Next I’d sue every member of the board for breach of contract, and sue every employee for the same reason. I’d sue the employees knowing full well there is no possible chance of success, just because.
I’d then hire a demolition company to implode every twitter office, raze them to the ground, and then salt the earth. In the locations where twitter once existed, I would create zones of ruins fenced off with barbed wire. I would populate those zones with raccoons that have rectal sphincter incontinence, permanent diarrhea and a highly contagious strain of rabies.
That’s how I’d improve twitter.